family update

Hello to everyone from room 307 at St. Johns Providence Hospital Southfield. I have access today to the computer for afew hours, in bed. I was admitted friday night with pre-clampsia symptoms. Currenlty i have some visual disturbances, seeing spots, pain in my left side and a persistant headache( which i have had for about a week) I have had lots of lab work and Im on my second 24 urine to test for protien. So far im stable, i can take a shower and go to the bathroom and then its back in bed. I cannot go for walks or any physical activity. My Labs have shown an increase in myliver enzymes but as of late seem to have come down(thanks for prayer) Today my white blood count is high and they are repeating labs every 12 hours. Today I have had some swelling,minor so far. My headache is still there, its under some control with Fiorecet(sp?) I can tell its there and dont really like to have to blinds open or lights on for long. My doctor has said that at any time my symptoms or 24 urine come back high that we will deliver. We would like to get into the 30 week mark if possible. She is not confident of this but its our goal, so that is why its strick bed rest. The best case scenario would be after a few weeks if im ok that i could possible go home on strict bedrest. This to is not what the doc thinks will happen. My body is up to something and its a matter of time. I have a couple different ultrasounds tommorow morning,as well as 2 times a day on the fetal monitor.

I have not been handling this the best, im scared,anxious, deppressed and not in the best mood. I know why i need tobe here, and what is best for Jacob but its alot easier said than done to relax and not be upset. I feel guilt that my body cannot do what it was made to do and angry. Ioften wake at night to memories of seeing Elaine all hooked up and the shame i felt because I was feeling better and she had to suffer. I will admit i have cried more these last few days than i have in over a year. I want things to be ok and jacob to be ok. After going through it once you would think I would be pre-pared, and i though that, but im not. Im digging deep for strength and find my self in prayer alot, actually sometimes angry conversation with him. I ask that you pray for me to let go and trust people, which i dont come by naturally. I need to trust that my family will be taken care of. and trust in staff at hospital as they know what is best. I really really miss Elaine and being with Josh. I feel like im missing out on a big part of Elaines life, esspecially scince i will be here a while. I get choked up thinking about it. I also miss Josh, I know that its not been easy for him and i love him so much for all his hard work. Please pray for him to have strength to get through work, home stuff and being here with me. If i did not have him I dont know what i would do. he has delt with alot these past few days... and i know its not easy.

I would like to thank my In-laws for all their help and for staying with Elaine, my sister and brother-in-law for staying this weekend, and to my parents for their help. And to everyone for prayers and support.

josh and I will try to keep the blog updated so that people can know what is going on.